This book focuses on there being no right or wrong way to grieve. It includes a comprehensive resource listing. In this book he explains what emotions to expect when mourning, what pitfalls to avoid and how to work through the feelings. It is a good companion for those that are lonely and suffering, helping them to begin healing and slowing building a new life. This is a story about a man whose wife unexpectedly dies. He feels as though he has been erased forever.
Unexpectedly his wife begins to appear to him and helps him to live in the moment and to find some peace. Gradually he discovers there really may be a way for him to say goodbye. It is packed with wisdom and concrete recommendations. It affirms the bereaved and educates the un-bereaved. This book is based on the metaphor about the dragonfly standing a symbol of transformation and the different stages of life.
She expands on the metaphor using her own insights into the emotion of lose. Her original prose, poetry, reflections and pragmatic suggestions address the pain and suffering experienced by those who are grieving. A comprehensive book covering the essential lessons mourners have taught him. The 10 touchstones are the essential physical, emotional, cognitive, social and spiritual signs for mourners to look for on their grief journey.
Through moving stories of her encounters with grief over decades of supporting individuals, families, and communities—as well as her own experience with loss—Cacciatore opens a space to process, integrate, and deeply honor our grief. This book is written for those who face the challenges of grieving after a sudden death.
It covers difficult topics, such as the first few weeks, suicide, funerals and rituals, physical affects and depression. This book contains practical ideas for families and friends who are affected by a sudden, violent death. This book is a compassionate guide to finding your way after the suicide death of someone you love. The circumstances of the loss are not important, but what a person decides to with those circumstances is.
In coming to the end of oneself, it is possible to come to the beginning of a new life—one marked by spiritual death, joy, compassion and a deeper appreciation of simple blessings. This book is an honest reflection on the fundamental issues of life, death and faith in the midst of loss. Kumar, Ph. Although loss is an inevitable part of life, how you approach this fact can make the difference between meaningless pain and the manifestation of understanding and wisdom.
It focuses on having a mindful approach to grief and by walking this path, one discovers the capacity of transformation and healing and finding the spiritual and emotional resilience to move though grief. Life and death are a package deal. They cannot be pulled apart and we cannot truly live unless we are aware of death.
These Five Invitations show us how to wake up fully to our lives. Awareness of death can be a valuable companion on the road to living well, forging a rich and meaningful life, and letting go of regret. A collection of truly comforting, down-to-earth thoughts and meditations for anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. This book contains daily meditations that provide strength and thoughtful words to inspire and comfort those who are grieving. Each day there is a brief entry for a whole calendar year which brings comfort and understanding to those who are struggling with grief.
Zonnebelt-Smeenge and Robert C. This book has a sensitive and biblically oriented roadmap for bereaved spouses on their journey through grief. We did it! It was tough but we did it. Its true, you dont understand the value of these every day luxuries like water, until you have carried every drop. However, that meant leaving his side. There was just too many of us , our blended family was too large , to ask some one to put us all up.
Neither of us could bare the thought of spending even just one night apart. His family, I believe would have tried to take us all in. Knowing that I would never leave my girls he didnt ever once even ask me to. Although impossible to put in words. When he held me every worry, ill thought, bad day, all just went away. When id snuggle up to him , my head on his chest , the 2 of us entertwined so comfortably, it was a perfect fit.
This was where I belonged. Its not the same here without him. To feel him, smell him, hold him touch him, hear his voice again. I so long for these things. If only I… what was he doing? I miss him terribly. Our baby girl.. I just keep waiting for him to come home.
My partner , best friend and soul mate took his own life om March He died alone,. We were forced due to financial pressure of him not having a job and estranged wife of 2 years not agreeing to a settlement , to vacate a lease. We were living separately for a week before he died in temporary places. He seemed upbeat, we had rowed but were fixing things and were on good terms and still together. I am devastated. His estranged wife has taken revenge — claimed half our deposit, taken all our joint possessions.
She stopped me seeing his body. She has airbrushed his life — the funeral was a joke of pretence. She ruined a tribute organising my his running friends. She is hounding me even now — not content that the pressure she put him under contributed to this. He had being drinking heavily for a while. We were a great team — at everything. We were so insanely in love. We were robbed of our future. I gave him years he wouldnt have had as all his friends said how he should never have married the ex. She is proving what he always said she was. And wont stop till I go the same way.
I dont know how I am meant to feel. Emptiness is all consuming. Will this pain ever stop? I wake up every day and want him to be there. Its so so dark. This is what they mean by love hurts. We ended up marrying other people and divorcing those people 20 years later we got back together in Hi Kristy, Your post hit home for me. We had that Nicholas Sparks relationship too.
He made me so happy. Spoiled me rotten. The pain and emptiness never leaves. I hate my life now. I keep reading how grief never goes away, you just get more used to it. What kind of life is that? I lost my husband on March 11, He was 39 years old and suffered a massive heart attack after practicing basketball with his friends. He told them he was hurting in his chest but he was OK.
He made it half way home before pulling over in a church parking lot and calling me to bring my 16 year old son and come pick him up. When we arrived 8 minutes later he was unresponsive and not breathing. We tried CPR but ultimately he was already gone. We were married for only 7 years and together for 9 but it was both our second marriage and we truly were soul mates.
Its been almost 6 weeks and I am so lost.
I cry every day. The thoughts of living a life without him makes my stomach churn. I lost my wife after a sudden rare heart infection , she was 40 yrs old. We both miss his mother very much as she was the glue that kept us together. Only time can heal a broken heart. Hi Misty, I too understand the endless pain that you are going through. My husband died on April 24, from a heartache. He was only 40 years old. My husband was my best friend, he stood by my side throughout a horrible custody battle with my ex husband which led to severe depression.
He never left my side. The day he died I was away on a business trip and I was arguing with him over something that seems so stupid now. When I finally calmed down and decided to call him later that evening, it was too late. I was so devastated. I do my best to be strong for my stepchildren and mines. I would never wish this type of pain on anyone.
He was 32 years old and has left behind 1 daughter and 2 step kids and myself. He was also epileptic and never had an easy time. He was refused access to his daughter from a previous relationship through no fault of his own. He last saw his daughter in He had an operation to remove a testicle in January this year, it was confirmed to be cancerous. We were told it had spread to his lung and was stage 3c. He was told he would be getting 4x ep cycles of chemo. Only his sister back home bothered to contact him, he never heard from his mother, or brother or anyone else in his family.
After 1 cycle of chemo.. Pulmonary embolism said the autopsy.. A blood clot!!! Maybe his blood was clotting during the 3rd cycle hence the reason they struggled to get the blood??? I dont know but I will be checking this out!!! After he died I got his picture shared all over social media to get an applause at the next football match of his team..
My youngest was 1 when we met and looked at him as a daddy and they tried to take that away from him.
He would have been gutted. And I am totally devastated with him dying, I just want to go with him. My common law husband died suddenly June 6, We had been together for 17 years. Has been the hardest 10 months of my life for a sister in law decides to open an estate for his 2 grown children which she had no business doing. She would see us maybe a handful of times a year. But the daughter and my two grand boys was very involved with us and the son lives out of state so we really never him much but thought we was all family.
They have been nothing but cruel, greedy humans which would make my husband very sad. So sad!! Would have changed a lot in my life. All I have wanted is to grief the man I have loved for 17 years and his immediate family that was all family to us and we all got along like a family. All I can say is shame on all of them and they should all be ashamed of themselves. Just wished they would move on and let us all grief. But they seem to not want to let it go.
I fully understand how you feel my husband of 11 years passed away of colon cancer. His adult children have been on my case trying to get what he and I have worked for. I have so much stress. I moved away from that city so that I can grieve. He called them dogs he knew what would happen since he would not be around to keep them in check. He did not leave a will and this has been hard. I will keep praying and wishing you well. Just keep in mind how he felt about you.
There has been so much hatefulness. Jayne mentioned to the dr other things that were wrong,he gave her a letter to take to the hospital. Jayne was told there was nothing that could be done. She decided go to the hospice. I stayed 2 nights with her,on the 2nd day i was with her when Jayne took her final breath,it was 2. Remarkable words you shared about your lover.
May God continue to give you strength at this time. Blessings Lisa. I know what Jayne would of wanted,everyone to get along,i tried my best,but its hard knowing how much they dislike me. Husband died March 9th 72 hours after coming home from a 4 month stay in hospital. Year battle with cancer. It still hurts like yesterday. I believe I had a dream of him. Thank you everyone for being brave and sharing your words. My life was shattered when my fiance died 5 minutes from home.
Grief Library - Cole Funeral Chapel
I am now a single mom of three. I spent plenty of days crying then numb staring into space. I felt guilty that my kids have to miss their dad and I didnt want them to miss their mom. I began exercising, doing yoga and meditating. I know there is hope. I believe in you and me. This dream triggered some emotional things. Forever missed. Thank you for the site. My wife died very suddenly at age 43 after 16 years of marriage. It has been 6 months and although I thought it might get easier it has been anything but.
It does help to know that others understand. I have had difficult articulating my feelings but this article does a good job of that. I just wish that horse would stop kicking me in the stomach every day. But as a man it is our job to get up and keep grinding that axe. My sweet, big hearted boyfriend was stolen from me by a customer at the nightclub he worked at. Unlike many of the comments here which by the way break my heart my boyfriend was taken from me by someone with the intent to hurt someone not him in particular, but they brought their gun with the intent to hurt which is the hardest thing for me to cope with.
He was such a good guy — strong, hard working working security was his part time job and a family man. He was working seven days a week at two jobs to prepare for us to take the next step together — having kids, getting married, etc. It makes me mad every time that I think about the fact that someone literally stole my future from me over something so stupid. He would still be here had someone not mad up their mind that they would hurt him.
He was murdered the day our daughter turned one month old…. Wow Tina, I am so sorry to hear that. Praying for your strength and peace love. In my significant other somehow contracted Necrotizing facitis. He was an ultra marathon runner and he was mere days from death. We fought from July to December of that year.
The doctors managed to save his legs where the infection grew, but his days as an ultra marathon runner we done. His depression that followed was miserable, so we got a service dog for emotional support and it really seemed to work. He was happy, we went out a lot with her, she is our furry baby girl. We did manage to run one more marathon with her before he decided it was too much.
In January of , his walking suddenly went back to almost unable to and he could barely move his right leg. By the time we got to the ER he couldnt move his right arm either. We sat in our room for hours before the doctor came to let us know they found a mass in his brain and he would need to have surgery that day to alleviate the pressure.
His surgeon came to let us know that his surgery was a great success only to let us know that it started in his lungs. I have to mention, when we met, it was our deal that he would stop smoking, and he did. Cold turkey even. I guess the damage was already done. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Our battle began again. We were told that things looked good. Brain cancer was gone, and were sure we could somehow get him into remission. We did all we knew to do. During chemo he started getting weak and tired, but that was all to be expected. We thought we could get through it through diet and exercise, but it became to hard to move some days and the drugs killed his appetite.
My beautiful man who I have been with for 22 years shrank from lbs to his current and is now to weak to do anymore chemo. Hes laying on the couch right now with our dog, to tired to move, to tired to talk and I simply am already grieving, because he keeps telling me that he is talking to my father who passed last year. He is making me feel as though today is the day, and if im honest,when i was with my father to his last breath, this is exactly how it happened.
I had to be the stone for my family. Now I am seeing that I have to be the stone for his and its so hard.
Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming The Loss Of A Spouse
I feel like I have to mourn for my father and my partner alone because Ive had to be support for everyone else. Life is going to be so hard without him. I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through and what you will go through in the months to come. Your heart actually can ache from it. But taking one minute, one hour, one day at a time is all I can do. Again, I am so very sorry you have to go through this. I wish you strength.
I am keeping you in my prayers. I also had to be the strength when my father passed. Then my mom. My husband went from lbs. The horrible beyond horrible is that ALS runs in our family, so this is not the end. I just retired. We had so many plans. Now, my hope is that I can join him before this disease hurts anymore that I love, especially my children.
The postings here are such perfect descriptions of what grief feels like to anyone who has not suffered the loss of someone they dearly loved. My healthy, active husband developed a blood infection which came out of nowhere in April of That infection ate a hole in his heart two months after what we initially thought was the flu. He died June 23, We were married for just over 25 years but had been together longer.
Recommended Books on Grief and Grieving
The grief I have felt has been the mostly painful emotion I have ever experienced, and as others have described it has been a crushing, all encompassing pain, even after eight months. I can now function during the day but I cry most nights when I get into our empty bed and am sad every morning when I awake. Even though I was with him when he died I still expect him to come walking in the house because this must just be a nightmare.
My counselor asks me if I can see what my future may look like without him and I am clueless, there is no picture without him. I try to look for little things that give me some joy every day and that helps a little. I can truly relate!! My very active and loving husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer that spread to the liver in May and he died Jan We were married 32 years the 13th of March!!
He was 54!! All of our children are grown but our oldest granddaughter 13 was his heartstring!! He was my everything down on this earth!! I love God and i know that he has to have another plan for my life because he took him at such a young age. I guess we have to just wait and see!! My thoughts and prayers are definitely with you!! There is no end to the grief just the slow, subtle changes in it as the months go by. My sweet husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer in Dec and I just lost him on March 30th, just 15 days ago. I feel so lost. He had just turned Too young.
Suzanne, We have exactly the same experienced my husband died with blood infections I wish I can meet you up to share our sorrows I felt so excruciating pain every time thinking of him and being alone. Pat, this has been a very good website to provide information and answer questions about the grief experience. It is learning how to survive without the one we love. Everyone will do it differently but perhaps sharing suggestions will help one other person. Re point I know the article says you can love someone in the present and also cherish the person from the past.. I knew he lost his girlfriend before we started dating and this was never an issue.
Neither one of us was ever married.
They were only together for a year before she died but I hate the idea that someone had to die for us to be together and dont know how to think about her. We have a son who is 52 years old. Could not say goodbye because she was not consciously aware. A huge emptiness fills my heart without respite. I wish I would have died with her. She was everything to me, my rock, my friend my Lover my confidante, I feel lost without her. I can not even think of getting rid of her clothing, shoes etcetera.
I hope to see her again when I die. We were a same-sex couple. I woke up at AM to him waving back and forth sitting on the edge of the bed…. He got up to get a glass of water in the kitchen and I heard him collapse. I ran in the kitchen and found him unresponsive without a pulse. I tried doing CPR on him the best that I could while juggling calling , getting his dog out of the room…. I saw him gasp for his last breaths as I was sitting over him. I have been having the worst two weeks of my life dealing with this.
As stubborn as we both were to each other, I loved him so deeply…I wanted him to be my husband. He will always be my husband and the love of my life. I love you to the moon and back Donny. You two will always have each other. It is very hard when we lose our best friends.
We too where stubborn but loved with all our heart and soul. I strongly suggest reading as much as you can, iv purchased a few books, although based in South Africa, ordered locally and via Amazon, one that stood out is a recent purchase called Soul Conversations, there are also Chicken Soup for The soul, a variety of which you can choose or maybe you have a local Library that might have some books on grief and afterlife. Your not alone, Donny is with you and once you can quieten your heart and talk to him you will eventually start seeing signs, you will know these as soon as you see them and feel his presence.
It an earthbound pain we feeling, its tattered and torn up our entirety, no visuals of happiness just caught in a fishbowl of hurt, and this is ok, dont feel you not allowed to grieve or mourn you are this is how much you love him and can continue to love. We made a memory wall for my hubby as we have 3 kids and speak to him all the time as if he is there.
It was his 43 birthday on the 26 Feb , we released 43 balloons with messages on, had a huge sense of calm over me, strangely enough and 28 Feb will only be two months. I wills hare a poem i wrote the other day, this too helps me with my own grief My eyes are so blurry I cannot see Like a wave of white horses over me Lingering souls on two difference planes Longing to reach out for their twin flame So much left unsaid and not completed Without you here im tor-mentally defeated.
My heart goes out to you. My daughter, who lost her 25 year old fiancee to a work accident was with him when he took his last breaths. That was almost 1 year ago. Believe it or not, I think she does some peace now in being with him at the end of his life. I wish you love and healing as you navigate this first year and please be gentle with your self. I will be holding you in my heart.
So sorry for your loss. It is absolutely horrible. My husband 11 years married and 13 together died suddenly of a heart attack on Feb 2nd We were a same-sex couple too. There are no words to describe the pain and emotions that I am going through. He was my everything and 1.
Especially afternoons and nights when we would be together. Being with good friends helps, staying with them too. We had a dog together too. She and I is what is left of our family, and when she is sad I cry. I am also seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist. But it feels like my life has ended. Today I had to stay in our home because I am sick and I have been crying all day.
Every other thought reminds me of him, everything in the house reminds me of him, and I cry of the amazing 13 years together we had but also I cry for what he will not be able to do. It just feels unreal. Since he passed, I have been staying with friends every weekend. It is still hard, but being alone is horrible. I stay several days with friends during the week too, but I am trying to be at home longer periods, slowly.
Not sure if this reply helps you, but think that you are not alone. She gave me two beautiful daughters or both adults now my wife had been sick for a little while she passed away on May 2nd however she had her cardiac arrest on April 24th so when I called I was waiting over 10 minutes for them to arrive and I tried to do CPR along with my daughter but my wife had told me many many times not to revive her. But the selfishness in me wanted her to survive when the EMS arrived they continued to revive her and they were able to succeed but at least 10 minutes had already passed and she was for all purposes almost brain dead.
I did all things with her. Our marriage had its ups and downs but we stuck together. She was my best friend and knew things about me that my own family did not know. She would interrupt me at work like ten times a day and now Iiss that so much. I want to believe in the afterlife and that we will be together again. I still cry every day. Our wedding song was unchained melody each time I listen to the song I cry.
But I am going to honor her last wish and that is bury her ashed with her younger brother who died twenty years ago. Was with him since I was 18 years old. We have been together for 25 years and married for 20 years. We have a 21 year old daughter. He had a stroke on New Years Eve and never came home. He passed away from complications from heart infection. He had gone through so much and I know that this was a release for him. My daughter and I were with him when he took his last breath. We are very thankful for that.
This so raw and my chest and heart literally hurts. I try to stay calm around our daughter but I miss him so very much. We did everything together like grocery shopping to housework. We laughed together often. I sleep with his tee shirts as they smell like him. I refuse to have anything moved of his. He had left his sneakers out front as they were dirty and they are still there. The last time he was home, he had set out the black eyed peas and cornbread ingredients and we were looking forward to watching Twilight Zone marathon on New Years Day like we have done for 25 years.
He meant so much to many people. Neighbors and their children stop by the house and tell us their memories of my husband. I wear his wedding ring around my neck. I see senior married couples and I get angry and sad as I will not have that. He will always be my husband. We met when I was 18 and married for 28 years.
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He passed away in our home. All I see is him everywhere. We also did everything together.
He was my everything and always will be. I sleep with his sweater, look at his pictures and listen to his voice in videos. His friends come over and talk about him. Now that is has been almost 2 weeks it seems every one is going on with their life and I get angry that they are. We have lost our best friends, our other half. I feel that a part of me died when he took his last breath. The heart actually hurts. Friends and neighbors stop by and talk about my husband and their memories. I keep telling myself a day at a time. I even asked myself if he knew just how much I love him and if I said it enough to him.
Being with these men since we were 18 just hits home that they are all we know and that ours lives were enriched because of them and we grew with them. Thank you Jamie. I am truly sorry for your loss as well. Our lives will be forever changed without them. Every day that goes by more of the reality hits me of being without him. Thank you for responding it really does help knowing there is someone out there going through this and I am not alone in feeling the way I do. I cannot believe my husband is gone.
Still too raw. I can relate to too many on that list. We were going to get the Christmas decorations out to decorate. Watched a movie, he spoke to his daughter on the phone and then took the dog for a walk. I grabbed my coat and went out front to see an ambulance down the street. De Vries is professor of church education at Calvin Theological Seminary and regularly conducts workshops and seminars on issues relating to adult education, youth ministry, Select Parent Grandparent Teacher Kid at heart.
Age of the child I gave this to:. Hours of Play:. Tell Us Where You Are:. Preview Your Review. Thank you. Your review has been submitted and will appear here shortly. You learn to take it a step at a time. It is well written and answers questions to explain your feelings and loss. Date published: Extra Content.